Are You There God? It's Me, Meredith

First, a little bit of background. I am an attorney. I like to argue. I like to prove my point. For example, when I was about ten years old I would have my mother tell me to do something and I would try to come up with ten solid reasons why I shouldn't have to do it. This was a game that I made up and enjoyed, believe it or not. Along with this comes the fact that if you are going to convince me of something, you are going to have to show me evidence. That is where my struggles with God began.

When I was very young I had trouble accepting that because a bunch of people wrote something down, that it had to be true. My Mom always told me that you don't know 100% that it is true, but that is where faith comes in. I have never rejected God but it is just hard for me to take the leap and say I completely believe in Him, all of the time. Except deep down inside, I always have accepted it. Every night I saw my prayers and have for some time. I say the Lord's Prayer when I am scared or nervous (like on a plane) and I believe that I am actually praying TO someone, not just praying to make myself feel better.

The reason I have been thinking about this today is because there have been at least two times in my life when I have had an extremely strong feeling that something had to happen. One was the first time I saw my husband. We had an English class together at Delaware and he had on a red Maryland hat. I told my Mom after seeing him that I knew that I had to talk to him for some reason. I told her I felt like it would be a big mistake if I didn't make myself talk to him. Just as a side note, I never go out of my way to talk to strangers unless I have been drinking. I like to keep to myself. So it was very strange for me to feel like talking to someone! Well it is a good thing I did because he was/is the man I was supposed to be with forever.

The second time I had this feeling was after a job interview I had two months ago. The interview went great and I was told it was down to me and one other person. Well, they gave the job to the other person. I remember being so hurt and angry because I told my Mom that the job was mine. I just had this feeling that they were making a huge mistake and I needed to tell them. I was convinced the job was the place for me. Today I got a call and was offered the job because the person they originally gave it to decided to move back home. I was shocked to get the call but then remembered that I knew it was meant for me all along.

I cannot find an explanation for these feelings other than God. I know He is looking out for me and guiding me down certain paths. I was walking down the stairs, and this sounds dramatic, but when this thought hit me that I really do believe in God, I felt so weak and strong at the same time. It sounds silly to say but I feel like I will always remember that moment. After I realized what I believe this wonderful feeling came over me and I just feel so empowered. It has been a wonderful, fabulous day and I feel very thankful!!!